The HOA President from Hell

When we moved to Sycamore Ridge, the HOA seemed normal. Dues were $200/quarter. Rules were reasonable. Life was fine.

Then Karen became HOA president.

Karen's first act was to send a 14-page email titled "Standards of Excellence: A New Era for Sycamore Ridge." It included regulations on mailbox paint colors (only "Approved Slate" from Sherwin-Williams), garbage can visibility windows (cans must be hidden by 8 PM on collection day), and a section on "Lawn Height Compliance" that I initially thought was a joke.

It was not a joke.

Karen measures grass. With a ruler. She walks the neighborhood every Saturday morning with a tape measure, a clipboard, and a camera. Grass must be between 2.5 and 4 inches. If your grass is 4.25 inches, you get a violation notice. I received a violation for 4.1 inches.

She fined the Johnsons $50 for having a garden gnome that was "not in keeping with the architectural aesthetic." She fined the Petersons $75 because their Christmas lights were still up on January 3rd. She fined ME $100 because my trash can was visible from the street at 8:04 PM. Four minutes.

We tried to vote her out. She changed the bylaws to require a two-thirds supermajority. We got 61%. She said that wasn't enough.

Karen doesn't work. Karen doesn't have hobbies. Karen's hobby is us. We are her content. We are her purpose. And she has a ruler.